During the honeymoon period, husband and wife are focused on each other. They enjoy living together and learning about each other. When children arrive, things change a bit. That focus is now split between them and the children. During the family years, the parents have the opportunity to train their children for approximately 18 years. When the children are young, the parents have the most influence as they dictate the rules and schedule. When the children reach their teen years, the parents begin training them to make their own decisions. But what happens when the children leave home? The children are on their own and must make their own decisions about life.1 It is sometimes difficult for parents to let go. They want to continue being an influence in their adult children’s lives. But they have to back off and allow their children to live their own lives. What then can a parent do during the adult years of their children?
- Bible Answers
Pass along your faith (2 Tim. 1:5).
When Paul thought about Timothy, he noticed his faith. This also reminded him of Timothy’s grandmother and mother who also knew the Lord. I would assume that his mother and grandmother had a godly influence over Timothy during his younger years. And it would appear that this was influential in him believing in Jesus himself.
Christian parents can pass along their faith to their adult children. It may not be as easy as when they are younger, but it should still be attempted. When the adult children see the faith of their parents and grandparents, and when they hear them speaking about the gospel, it will have an influence on them for good.
Be a godly example (Titus 2:2-3).
When Paul addressed the needs of the people in Titus’ church, he pointed out the need for the older men and women to be an example in a number of ways. The older men were to be under control and an example of the believer. The older women were to keep from irreverence, gossiping, and wine while teaching what was good.
Christian parents can still influence their adult children by being a godly example to them. While they may no longer have the same amount of energy, they can show their adult children what it is like to be a godly person for the Lord. This takes more time to develop but is an excellent way of helping them to see what God desires for them to become.
Give advice about family matters (Titus 2:4-6).
Older women are to help younger women to understand their responsibilities within marriage. The word translated as “admonition” can be defined as “encourage, to restore to a right mind, to make sober-minded.”2 The point is that younger women usually are not as mature as those who are older. So, the experienced, older women can help them to develop right thinking about their family. Younger men also need help to have the right way of thinking as well
Christian parents should be ready to help their children to mature in their position as husband, wife, and parents. Since they have not done this before, it is possible for them to drift away from what God intended for them to be and do. This gives opportunity for careful, loving advice. - Bible Examples
Isaac admonished Jacob (Gen. 28:1-2).
Jacob was still living at home when Isaac spoke to him about getting married. However, he was an adult of perhaps 40 years old. As Jacob prepared to find a wife, Isaac admonished him to go elsewhere and take a wife from a good family. His concern for Jacob’s future was affected by the poor choices Esau had already made.
Eli confronted his sons (1 Sam. 2:22-25).
When Eli was made aware of his sons wickedness, he confronted them despite the fact that they were adults with families of their own. He questioned why they were acting so wickedly and warned them that if they continued there would be nothing he could do for them. Sadly, they did not respond well to his warning.
The father welcomed back the prodigal son (Luke 15:17-24).
In the parable of the prodigal son, the wicked son finally realizes his error and seeks help from his father. As he was returning, his loving father ran out and kissed him. When his son repented, the father rejoiced and brought him back into the family despite the protestation of his other son. The point is that the father was always ready to welcome him back. - Practical Ideas
Pray for them.
After having been a parent for so long, it is hard to stop wanting to control our children’s lives. But when they move away from home, they have to make their own decisions. As you see them living their own lives, you no longer have a say in what choices they make. But you can pray and ask God to help them make wise decisions, to protect them, and to keep them from error.
Be available for guidance.
Part of being the parent of adult children is being available for advice when requested. You have to be careful because you are no longer the one in control. But when the opportunity arrives, be careful to patiently offer advice that you have learned over the years. If you are careful in how you offer the advice, and if you give it sincerely, it will probably be accepted. Just remember that they have the final say in what choices they make.
Lovingly confront them when necessary.
There may come a time when you will have to confront your adult children. If they are willingly involved in ungodly behavior or are making poor choices that affect others, you may need to step in and point out their sin. Eli did this with his two sons. Be careful with this. This is not about them making a different choice than you would. Confrontation should only be about clear sinful choices. And during the confrontation, you should be careful to show them what God says in the Bible.
Give them over to God.
Of all the practical advice about dealing with adult children, this has to be the most important. “When our children are young, we can monitor their every moment, control their environment, and guard their safety. But as they grow and mature, they begin to move out into the world on their own. We are no longer in control of their every move, who they see, where they go, and what they do. For the Christian parent, this is where faith enters the picture.”3 We must trust the Lord as He is ultimately the One in charge of reaching their hearts.
Conclusion
Being the parent of adult children is quite the change. After being the final authority for so many years, it can be hard to “allow them” to make their own decisions. However, when you finally come to the place that you understand your new role, it can be a wonderful thing. You can step back and watch what God does in their lives. Someone has said that as parents grow older, they become less parents and more coaches and friends. As you interact with your adult children, consider your new role and seek to be a blessing to them.
Bibliography
“I am a parent; how can I let go of my adult children?” as viewed at https://printer.gotquestions.net/GeneratePF?articleId=29 on 5/10/2026.
Footnotes
- Consider this in the light of Genesis 2:24. When a man leaves his father and mother, he starts his own home and is no longer under the same obligation to obey his parents’ wishes. ↩︎
- https://www.billmounce.com/greek-dictionary/sophronizo ↩︎
- “I am a parent; how can I let go of my adult children?” ↩︎