While preparing to officiate a recent wedding, I was wondering what to say during my challenge to the bride and groom. We had already met a number of times for pre-marital counseling and had covered the basics. As a result, the couple had already been challenged with their roles in marriage. The husband was to love his wife as Christ loved the church. The wife was to submit to her husband. To repeat that challenge in front of the wedding party with a limited amount of time might not come across clearly—especially to those who were not believers. This caused me to think carefully how I should challenge the couple during the wedding ceremony. When the time came, I chose to challenge the groom to love and lead his wife, and the bride to help and follow her husband.
As I read the biblical challenge to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5:22-33, I kept wondering how an unregenerated person might balk at a wife submitting to her husband. There are plenty of troubled marriages that make the biblical admonition seem quite difficult to implement. But that same idea could be transferred to the command to the husband. Certain attitudes and actions could make it difficult for him to love his wife. It is not enough to challenge husbands and wives to fulfill their God-given roles. There must be something else provided by God to enable them to do what He has commanded—especially when things don’t go well in the marriage. With these thoughts in my mind, I began to read the portion of the chapter that precedes the commands for husbands and wives.
- What does it say? (Eph. 5:1-21)
Because of the change God has made in their lives, Christians are to imitate God as His loved children. They are to make the love of Christ the guiding principle of their life. He loved us and gave Himself for us as an offering and sacrifice that was pleasing to God. But sexual immorality, all impurity, or covetousness should never be a description of what is property for saints. Also, filthiness, foolish talking, and crude joking are not fitting, but rather thanksgiving. They knew this that any fornicator, unclean person, covetous man (an idolater) does not have an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Do not allow anyone to deceive with empty words because God’s wrath arrives for disobedient people. So, don’t be partakers with them. You were once darkness but now you are light in the Lord. So, walk as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists of all goodness, righteousness, and truth) discerning what is pleasing to the Lord. And do not have fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness. Instead, expose them. For the things secretly being done by them are shameful to talk about. But everything that is being exposed by the light is made visible. The things being made visible are light. Because of that, He says, “You should wake up, sleeper and get up from the dead and Christ will shine on you. Notice carefully how you walk not as unwise but as wise, making wise use of the time because the days are evil. Because of this, do not be foolish but understand what the Lord’s will is. And do not be drunk with wine which is wild living but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to each other in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to Him who is God and Father, submitting yourselves to one another in reverence to Christ. - What does it mean?
Christians should imitate God’s love (Eph. 5:1-2).
The greatest example of love is found in God’s love to us through Jesus. He willingly gave His life as the sacrifice for our sins. And because of His love, we have been forgiven by God through faith in Jesus. When you think of how undeserving we are of His love, it informs and instructs us of how we should love others.
Christians should avoid an ungodly life (Eph. 5:3-7).
There are certain actions that should never be named among the Christian community. These include fornication, covetousness, and filthy living and language. Those who practice such wickedness will not be part of God’s kingdom. So, there is not reason to be a part of that kind of lifestyle.
Christians should live in the light (Eph. 5:8-14).
The truth is that we once lived in the darkness of sin and practiced a variety of ungodly activities. But now, we are called to walk in the light, allowing the Holy Spirit to work in us and to show us what God’s will is. With that goal in mind, we need to stay away from the darkness, and live in the light of Christ.
Christians should live wisely (Eph. 5:15-18).
Notice what is wise living according to God. Since that there is so much evil happening around us, we need to seek God’s wisdom to know what His will is. That involves staying away from anything that would keep us from living under the influence of God’s Holy Spirit.
Christians should sing to the Lord (Eph. 5:19-21).
Singing often affects our attitude. The music we choose to sing along with can affect our emotions and attitudes. Singing to the Lord with a thankful heart keeps our mind on the goodness of the Lord and His will for our lives. It also helps us to have a right attitude toward others. - How does it apply?
Are you loving other people like God does?
This is a serious question. It is easy to look at how others have treated you and then return the same to them. But this is not what God has called you to do. Think often of how Jesus loved you and then consider how you can forgive others for the wrongs they have done to you.
Are you shying away from ungodly activities?
While the influence of ungodly people can be devastating to a Christian, I would ask you to consider how your intake of entertainment on television, videos, and books is affecting your life. Do you turn off the television when ungodly activity comes on? Or do you keep watching? David stated that he would not set a wicked thing in front of his eyes (Psalm 101:3). Turn it off right away.
Are you living in the light or darkness?
This is a question that is about now not in the past. Are you currently living a life filled with darkness or light? Your daily choices will reveal how you are living. Consider the fact that God saved you from your life of sin and then make the choice to live in the light. Reading your Bible and thinking about what you have read will help.
Are you being wise with your choices?
Since we live in a time of great darkness, we need to make wise decisions. You can be led astray by the constant barrage of ungodly influences all around you. But God has called you to follow His will. Do you know what His will is? Seek His will be studying the Scriptures and praying for wisdom.
Are you singing to the Lord?
What is the tune that is on your mind throughout the day. Is it the world’s music and lyrics or is it joyful songs that remind you of how good God is? What you put in your mind will affect your thoughts, words, and actions. Are you listening to godly music? Consider setting aside music that affects you negatively. Then replace it with what turns your heart to the Lord.
Conclusion
At the beginning of the message, I mentioned that husbands and wives can face difficult situations. However, the challenges to husbands and wives are not an island to themselves. The Holy Spirit didn’t inspire Paul to write these words by themselves with no context. Those admonitions follow the statements made in the verses we studied tonight. What that means is that husbands and wives need to be living godly lives in order for them to be able to live together in biblical unity. If they are not imitating God’s love, shying away from ungodly behavior, living in the light, making wise choices, and singing with thankfulness to the Lord, they will not be able to carry out God’s commands in the roles He has given them.
But these thoughts are not limited just to a successful marriage. They also affect the parent-child relationship (Eph. 6:1-4), the servant-master relationship (Eph. 6:5-9), and every other aspect of the Christian life. The key to a successful Christ life is you making the conscious choice to imitate God’s love, live a separated, godly life, and to keep a joyful attitude toward the Lord throughout each day. When we are doing those things, our attitude will be different as well our actions. What will you choose to do?